Paul’s Sobriety Story: Featuring Command® and Self-Assurance®
November 25, 2023
This is the story of one of my Executive Coaching clients, Paul, told through the lens of his CliftonStrengths, featuring Command® and Self Assurance®.
You’d easily spot Paul’s #1 Command talents in his drinking days. He’d challenge his friends at the bar to see who could keep up. Only he was a lot smaller than some of them and usually ended up way drunker than any of his buddies. For Paul, his Command talents clearly showed the group who was in charge. He comes across as decisive, strong-willed and driven — some might call him a little intimidating.
Paul is one of those guys who believes in the “work hard, play hard” mantra. It was his wife’s 40th birthday that he partied a little too hard and it clicked that something needed to change with his drinking. That was 12+ years ago.
Once he made up his mind that he’d quit drinking, it was as easy as that. A decision that he knew deep down was the right thing to do. His inner compass, expressed through his Self-Assurance #6 talents, gave him certainty in this decision. He didn’t need to do any alcohol-free challenges, learning programs, attend meetings, or untangle any of his subconscious beliefs around the benefits of alcohol. Self-Assurance is energized by having the freedom to act independently; he needed to come to this conclusion on his own terms.
These combined superpowers, Self-Assurance + Command, gave him confidence in his decision to be sober. A decision he’s proud of!
In our interview, he explains:
“What worked for me is ME choosing to be sober. I needed to be in charge of making this decision. Once I decided for myself, there was no looking back.
Once I quit drinking, the biggest challenge I faced was finding something to do to fill all of my drinking time! I picked up a few new hobbies — home improvements, old cars, and kickboxing. I found something I really love to do in kickboxing! I never would have gotten into this sport and learned a martial art if I were still drinking. I love learning how to kick properly and challenging others to a good, proper fight. This is something I cherish to this day.
My advice? Be careful what you choose to spend your new “non-drinking” time with. Restoring old cars and home improvement projects can be expensive!”
If you listen to Paul’s description of his love of kickboxing, you can hear his Command talents shining through, as the challenger, pushing back when pushed, and energized by a good conflict! Those with high Command talents aren’t afraid of conflict, but rather, they embrace it as a way to get better performance.
Paul is one of my Executive Coaching clients – and a special one, at that! He made an off-hand comment at the beginning of his first coaching session that he hadn’t had a drink in 12+ years. That day happened to be my 1-year sober-versary, April 7, which I shared with him and then immediately felt this wave of horror that I’d just shared my sobriety with a “regular” corporate client of mine. At that time, I had pretty strong boundaries between my corporate / leadership coaching and sobriety coaching endeavor. But the lines were starting to blur, and I couldn’t help sharing this with Paul.
Thank you, Paul, for your permission to share your story!
Note: Everyone’s path to sobriety is as unique to them — perhaps as unique as their strengths! Only 1 in 33 million people share the same top in the same order. Paul happens to have 2 of the most UNCOMMON strengths found in the general population of over 30 million people who have taken the assessment. Self-Assurance® shows up last in the frequency list of the 34 themes; and Command® is second-last.
